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| 10 THINGS WE EXPECT FROM THE PERSON WE LOVE THAT WE NEED TO START DOING. |
Whether you're single and ready to mingle, dating and looking, in a full-out relationship, or hitched, I sometimes think we expect a lot from the person we want or the person we’re with. And that's good, having high standards is great! But while we’re out there trying to see if imperfect people are trying to be as great as possible, lets also take a long hard look at ourselves and make sure we’re living up to the high standards we set.
1. Kindness
Kindness is one of the sexiest qualities a human being can
possess. Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes its subtle. But kindness is
something that you and I both know when we see it, and love when we experience
it. A partner we describe as “kind,” is a gem because we know that
fundamentally, they have a good heart. But what about you? Are you kind? And
how do you show this? Not just to your partner but to those around you. The
truth is it can be difficult to be kind when we get caught up in the
mundanities of life. But if kindness is a way of being, then it becomes a joy
even when it may be a mild inconvenience at times. Try to be kind every day – to yourself and to others.
And you'll probably find yourself drawn to kind people too.
2. Generosity
When we think of generosity, we often think of tangible
things, and of course it's important to give freely of the things that we have.
For many reasons including growing up in a big family, I've never quite understood
attachment to the point of selfishness when it comes to material things. But
giving “things” is not the only way we are generous. We are
attracted to people who give us their time, who give us a part of who they are
in the form of showing us that person. And I think it's very important for us
to think of ways we can be more generous to those we love, especially with the
intangible but important things we can give.
3. Informed/Intelligent/Educated
“Know
something about something,”
is a piece of advice one of my mentors likes to give everyone. Look, you do not
need to be a rocket scientist but a general informed idea of what is going on
in your city, in your country, and in the world is probably a good idea.
Moreover, you know what’s really
intriguing? People who are interesting and can teach you interesting things
about the world. So why not be that person? Why not be that person who
endeavors to know about more than their job, their industry, their life. Be the
person who people love to have conversations with. Be a curious person.
4. Good communication
We never seem to get tired of talking about the importance
of communication. But no matter how much we talk about, we seem to all fall
short of it while hoping that the person we’re
with or want, is a good communicator. What does it mean to be a good
communicator? Well, I guess it depends on what you want. But if you want
someone who is straightforward, who talks to you with respect, who considers
your feelings, ensure that you are doing the same thing. I have found most of
us tend to be a bit careless with the way we talk to those we love us the most.
And yet with strangers, at the very least, we are cordial. Its morose. If you don't
like being yelled at, don't yell; if you don't want someone to talk to you in
anger, do the same. It all boils down to that, really.
5. Financial responsibility
The reality is we all have to deal with the practicalities
of love and relationships –
no matter where we are in the process. As much as it is painted as solely a
quality women care about in men –
financial security, that is. Men are caring more about it too – as they should. Regardless of whatever the
situation a couple may find themselves in –
one more well-off than the other, one planning on staying at home or whatever.
It is important to get a grip on your finances. And yes, it may take a while.
Wanting to be with someone financially responsible means you have to be
financially responsible too.
6. Taking care of yourself
Health can be a really touchy subject. Especially because
when it comes to compatibility, we tend to gravitate towards particular people.
Indeed, the media feeds into our desires of what and who we find attractive as
we so often correlate beauty with health. We all want someone we are attracted
to – but attraction is not a one
size fits all endeavor. Aside from that, most of us want someone who pays
attention to their health and how they present themselves. It's almost naive to
think that you can want someone who looks and feels great in their skin,
without you doing the same.
7. Thoughtfulness
Thoughtfulness deserves it’s
own criteria because it is uniquely separate from being kind or generous,
although ideally it should lead to both. If you've ever been romantically
involved with someone who is thoughtful, you'll know what it’s like when someone immediately notices little
things like what your favorite dessert is, the facial expressions you'll make
in certain situations, and the little things that make you tick. Even though we
all want it in other people, thoughtfulness is actually quite rare because of
the tendency to think of only ourselves in relation to the world. But be that
person – be that person who thinks of
others and notices the little things, and maybe it'll rub off on those around
you.
8. A great sense of humor
Everybody thinks they have a great sense of humor, or that
their kind of humor is the best. And indeed one of the ways in which we become
attracted to people is having a shared sense of humor. But beyond that, I
think, we need to realize that a great sense of humor also has a lot with the
ability to laugh at one’s self. Its
endearing to see another person laugh at themselves. It encourages us to laugh
with them. And it shows that they can take it as much as they can dish it out.
Make sure you're that person too –
the person who laughs a lot and can laugh heartily at themselves.
9. Adventure
It doesn't’always
feel that way but life is supposed to be an adventure. We forget that we’re supposed to be having fun
and looking for new things to spark our interest. Not just trying to get
through each and every day. I think that’s
why people who are adventurous tend to spark our interest immediately. It’s almost like being around
them will guarantee that they'll take us on adventures with them. So get out of
your comfort zone and make your life an adventure, and let people be drawn to
you in that way. Let the person you want or the person you with, know that when
they’re with you, life is an
adventure.
10. Sacrifice
This is the ultimate from someone we love. My fundamental
view of love that I grew up with, is that it is above all, love is a sacrifice.
And indeed we want someone who will sacrifice with us and for us. That’s not easy to ask from anyone
but it's how you know that someone really loves you. And it’s how you know that you love someone too – that you're willing to
sacrifice for them. Sacrifice isn't easy, it’s
not convenient, and it often means suffering in some shape or form. What am I
saying here? If you want a ride or die, you’re
going to have to be a ride or die.
By Kovie Biakolo
(ZONEHOUSE IN'T
MEDIA)
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